Tonight, I’m thinking about courage—especially the courage it takes to dream about the life you want, today, next year, and five years from now.
It takes courage to have a dream, but to articulate it—that’s the real challenge for me. And before even that, to have a clear vision.
I’m happy with the life I have right now. I’m so grateful to be a mom, and my husband and I are in a better place than we’ve ever been. I have so many other things and people in my life to be thankful for—too many to mention. Many blessings have come my way.
But sometimes, I feel guilty when I dream about the things I still want to do or experience, or that I seek at all. I want more meaning in my life and more meaning in my relationships—more safety, more depth. But there’s a feeling I have that I should keep my head down and stop being greedy. Look how lucky I am… It could be worse… The familiar warnings I hear in my head. The vague sense that something bad will happen if I want more than my “share.”
I’m not sure what any person’s share is, but I want the best relationships, the best days I can have, new challenges, to see beautiful art and beautiful places, and more freedom. And I want that for everyone.
Today, I challenged myself and my husband to dream out loud, and we struggled. We talked about things we would love to do if money were no object. Even in this exercise, we felt like we couldn’t spend money on ourselves—even imaginary money. Too much guilt for having so much, even in our minds. We imagined giving it all away in every direction so we wouldn’t feel bad about spending some on ourselves. But why do we have to do that with imaginary money?
I said I wanted to rent a yacht for three weeks in the Mediterranean—a boat with a captain, a chef, and staff to take care of everything. (I’d seen one of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills do this, and it looked like fun!) And right away, the burden of guilt settled in, even though this was just a mental exercise.
This brief but powerful exercise stirred up so much emotion. It will take courage and effort to break down these limiting beliefs. Daily reminders that the world is abundant will also be necessary.
I remembered that years before I had my son, I had a vision of the kind of mom I wanted to be, and the kind of life I wanted for him. I knew I would homeschool. When I was pregnant, I had such a clear vision of the person he would become and the life I hoped for him. I had a vision.
This is what I think is missing from my dreaming now—and so that’s what I’m focusing on rebuilding. It feels like pushing against a wall. Identifying and questioning your own limiting beliefs is hard. It’s much easier to see the beliefs that hold other people back. But we have to be brave enough to find our dragons and then to slay them. To have courage.
Developing a real vision for life—dreaming it, and dismantling the beliefs that keep us small—is what makes the difference.
I want the most out of life and out of the moments in my life. Not for their own sake, but for the sake of the work I’ll have to do to get there. It’s the work of challenging myself, of asking for what I want and going after it, that feels so exciting and fulfilling.
Creating the vision, dreaming, and taking action to make it real—that’s the true fulfillment.